2008 Flashbacks

I have always felt that for some reason I am being punished for my pass life's. I am the one always trying to help and take care of everyone. I don't think I am a bad person just STUPID when it comes to my family and the ones I care about. No one else in the family would take care of my mom so I had her move in with Keith and I. Then my brother broke up with his girl friend at the time and he needed a place to live so guess who got picked. He moved in along with his cat and all his junk. Then things got really crazy. I won't go into that.

In January 2006, we had trusted someone to refinance our home. Well, that was another mess. It was not a company we went with but a person getting into the business. Well, a few months later we found out the payments we had sent him were not paid to the mortage company so we lost our home.

In January 2007 we moved out of our home to a rental. We were lucky because we found a house that was brand new with 5 bedrooms. During this time, I noticed that Keith wasn't feeling well. He had not felt good most of the end of 2006. In my mind I think I knew that the cancer was back and just didn't want to believe it. On Easter morning when he was feeling so bad that I took him to the hospital. He didn't come home for 3 weeks and the monster was back. He started chemo in June as soon as he could. Most everyone knows the rest of the story. He did 10 chemo treatments and made it to April 6. On that day, I lost my friend, lover, husband and rock. He had always been there for me.

In June when school was out we moved to Bells Tennessee. I had hoped that a smaller quiet place would be a place to heal. Again, I think God laughed at me. We found the house in such a mess and torn up that I then started remodeling, just to make it livable. That was a major expense and we had a contractor that totally ripped me off.

Now my brother is back and my son had to give up his room and I don't have any idea when he and his girlfriend will leave. He has more problems then you can even imagine.

So I am going to be glad to see 2008 end. This has been one of the most horrible years I have ever spent and the worst part is I don't have my best friend and rock to talk to.

I am tired of taking care of everyone and having to do everything by myself. So, my prayer for 2009 is that God will stop testing and laughing at me and help me get things in order.

My wishes for 2009 - Make peace with God and find my faith again
Find a job to support Christopher and myself
That no one else has to go though what I have
To heal
To be happy again. I think I was at one time??????
Hopefully being employed so that I can save enough money to
move back to Atlanta