Happy Birthday, Keith

Today is Keith's 65th birthday. It has been a hard day when I think of all the other birthdays. We always had our tradition of going out to dinner and the birthday person got to pick where we went. This is the second year we haven't done anything on his. Last year he was in the hospital and my nightmare had begun.

The memories came flooding back today of all our years together and the fun we had. I still feel married and hate the term "widow". I look at my children and know they are hurting too.

I hope that Keith is celebrating his birthday with all the family members that have gone before him and he knows that we are thinking of him today and loving him.

Yesterday I thought of him and how he and Christopher would have been in the snow playing like they were both kids and yelling at me for either coffee, hot chocolate or hot tea. We always had either the American warm up or British warm up. We would have watched old movies and had a fire and hoped we didn't lose electricity. He would have reminded me of the winter we had the ice storm and I cooked breakfast on the grill with Tania making a picture of me with 2 robes on and 2 pairs of slippers. I was a mess but we all laughed. Snow time was family time for us. It was always alot of fun and this year all it did was make me sad and want that back. I miss being a wife. I am having to redefine what I am and I don't know anymore.

I am reminded of a line from the movie "Ghost". The love you take with you. Well, Keith you are still in my heart and will always have my love. Happy Birthday Darling.