One Year Today

Dear Keith,

One year ago today I lost you. I cryed that day and today I have cryed. I remember your smile, your touch, your hugs and your greeting everyday when you came home. I remember our home and the love that was there and I miss you more. You gave me strength and courage and were always my champion in what ever I did. You forgave my faults and there were many. You were always there. I miss your phone calls in the middle of the day when you called just to say "I love you". Those were special days and 20 years wasn't enough.

I think about the game that kids play called "Do Over". If I could go back and do over I would have made the hospital do a CT scan when we went to the hospital 2 weeks before the stroke. If they had would they have found the tumors then and given us enough time to start treatment. Did I let you know enough of how much I love you? Did I tell you enough times on that last day? Do you know now what a fine your man your youngest son is becoming and what he wants to do with his life? Do you know I start a new job tomorrow? I know what you would say. Give it all you have and more.

I remember I holding you in my arms that last week. I remember crawling up in your bed and just wanting to hold on to you always. I remember looking into your beautiful eyes and trying to keep my dignity when all I wanted to do was scream NO This isn't real and he will wake up in a few minutes.

Darling, I miss you and I love you still so much. I am thinking of you today but I do everyday.

All my love always,
Suzan