No More Rants - Just Observations

The last few days I have spent really thinking about my life the last 2 years and some months. It seems that all the time from 2007 when we found out about Keith's cancer to now, I have lived in some kind of a dark fog. I have ignored the ones I love, which is unforgivable and hurt people not meaning to. I think I was lashing out at everyone who tried to get anywhere close to me again. I realize now that instead of letting you in, I locked you out because I was sure I would get hurt again and my heart was so bruised that it couldn't have taken anymore licks.

During all this time, I have had a very hard time with God. I have always had a deep faith, but this God that took away Keith wasn't someone I wanted to follow anymore. I yelled at him, and fought him, but you what he just wouldn't leave me alone. I keep pushing him away, but he would not leave my side. I remember the poem about him carrying you when you couldn't do it yourself. You know he is probably pretty tired these days from carrying me for so long. I guess what I am I saying, is we made up or at least I did to him. I know he was never really mad at me, just the opposite.

The fog is finally lifting and I am looking forward to the next phase of my life. Being home will be wonderful and working again will be great.

If anything good has come from the last few years it is the fact that I have grown deeper in my faith and I know God walks beside me now everyday. The old hymn says: "He walks with me and he talks with me." That is the relationship I have with him now. This has been a long journey and I hope the fog is lifting and I will see the sunshine again.

I know that I will still have my days, but I can also be assured that I will get though them with his help. So, bring it on.

P.S. - Keith if you can read this from Heaven, don't forget your promise to me. I love you darling and will see you again I know.