The one thing I am finding is that grief is so unpredictable. It seems to wash over you when you least expect it. One simple thing can just set you off. Yesterday morning the painters came by and said that we had to have everything out of the house before they could even start. For some unknown reason that just set me off and I had a very bad day. All I wanted to do was talk to Keith and it hurt. So the day stayed like that even if I did get some things done. I finally arranged for a local moving company to come over and move everything out (mainly boxes) and into another storage room. Then this morning another painter came over and he is starting in Christopher's room tomorrow morning. I have gotten the paint for my room, Christopher's and the living room. Mom and I also picked out tile today for the kitchen. The last 2 days it seems that I have just cryed most of the time. We do finally have a microwave and things are coming together. The kitchen is cleaned up and so are the bathrooms. Mom even cooked today.
I bought a new bedroom suite for me yesterday and a very pretty futon for Christopher's room. So, I am hoping that by the first of the week at least Christopher will have his "nest" made.
The dogs are enjoying the country life. Shadow runs beside Christopher without his leash and Blackie (cat) leaves in the morning and arrives home in the evening. She caught herself a mouse yesterday and I think she wanted to bring it in to us, but we stopped that. It was fun watching her stalk the mouse after she let it go.
There is still alot to do and we keep going at it one step at a time. I can only wish Keith was here. I miss him more every day and even at this point when I try to remember the good times I start to cry. Maybe it is a delay reaction since we were so busy right up to and after his death. All I know is I want him back and I can't have that.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Yesterday and Today
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4 comments:
(((HUG))) Sounded like you needed one. You will have good days and bad days . . . raw days where even the air hurts and then healing days when you feel like you are making progress. The worst thing about loving someone is knowing that one day you'll have to let go . . . the best thing about loving someone is knowing it's a gift from God and that He makes it eternal. You will be with Keith again one day. I know that for a fact.
Hi Suzan:
Take your time and be kind to yourself, good days and bad days are certainly to be expected, after all, it has been no time at all.
It is when you stop or slow down I am sure the grief just over whelms. I am sorry for your pain and tears, how blessed you were for those precious years with Keith.
But I send you a hug, if there is such a thing as an e mail hug!
Take care.
Joy
Sherman Interiors.
Suzan,
Yes, the simple things sneak up on you. Yesterday I found the last father's day cards we all gave my Dad. That set me off. I guess Father's Day will always be hard. I sometimes want to say "ok, Daddy. Enough is enough. Come back now." I think when you first lose someone you go into shock and stay there for a bit. This gets you through the funeral, etc. After a while you come out of the fog and it seems that the bad dream ought to be over. The best we can do is try to make them proud of who we have become for having had them in our life. Peace be with you.
Suzan,
I'm glad your move is behind you and now you can focus on the healing process, and moving forward in your life. My thoughts continue to be with you and Christopher.
Elaine
(Tammy's aunt)
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