Yesterday started out pretty good. Keith was awake and aware of us. He ate sort of good and then as the day wore on he got quieter and couldn't eat much. He tried to eat some Jell-o but it came back up and he finally settled down late in the afternoon. He had a restless night and was up most of the night. I think I finally got him settled down about 6 this morning. Karen came over and he did get his shower,but ended up with the dry heaves and has been sleeping since then. He hasn't been eating today and told me it wasn't going to be a good day.
Last night, when it was quiet, I was asking for God to give me some sort of sign. Anything, just a sign. It seemed later that our room was full of people. I thought I was going crazy but, I don't think I am. At first, I thought I am just tired and then a peace come over me and I knew Keith and I would be okay. He was going to be in the arms of the angels and I would be watched over my him the rest of my life. I choose to believe that God was giving me my sign. My father died 3 1/2 years ago and I actually felt his presence last night. Dad and I were very close and I always drew some of my strength from him. He wasn't perfect,but to me I could overlook him faults. I wish I had that peace today when I woke up. When I woke up, I was angry. Angry at everything right now. I called our minister and asked him if he thought I was crazy. He didn't think so. I want so to believe that I have been given a sign. If this sounds nuts, then so be it.
Tania and Kevin came over yesterday afternoon before Keith started going downhill and I think he enjoyed the visit. Last night a dear friend came over to visit. Jason is a Sgt. with the Gwinnett County Police Department. They got to visit for a few minutes. I told him when he left that I was sure the neighbors were having a field day with a police car in the driveway. Mom laughed and said well, we have have had firemen, ambulances so whats one more. It meant so much to me for him to come by. I have known him since he was in the 1st grade and what a fine young man.
Keith just managed to eat a little oatmeal. Only about 3 or 4 bites, but better than nothing. I 'll post more when I can.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Musings and Monday
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You know Suzan, my dear Aunt Freda passed away two years ago the end of this coming May. She was always like an older sister to me. The last time I saw her, nobody had any idea that she had lung cancer and I had no idea that would be the last time I would see her. I was devastated when she passed away. I did not sleep for 3 or 4 nights. Part of me was hoping that her spirit would contact me and tell it was ok, and part of me was afraid that it would. Nothing . . . then just a few nights ago she came to me several times through the night in my dreams. I saw her face and she was young and beautiful and she spoke to me and she held me close and it was like a beautiful gift. I know with every fibre of my being that there is a place much better than this veil of tears we must experience here on earth and our loved ones will be there waiting for our arrival and that they look down on us and love us every day of our lives. It will surely hurt to let Keith go, but as a Christian, you know where he'll be and that is a huge blessing. Todd and I continue to pray for each of you. XXOO
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